Tuesday, July 14, 2020

In Her Words: Giving Back

In a crisis, men and women are equally likely to help, but they do so in different ways.
Eleni Kalorkoti

By Mara Altman

“Covid-19 really increased people’s feeling of civic-mindedness.”

— Kathleen Tierney, a co-author of “Disasters, Collective Behavior, and Social Organization”

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When Heidi Hotmer, 48, first heard about the pandemic, she wasn’t sure how she’d get through it. But within days after her city’s shelter-in-place order was issued, she figured out a plan. Hotmer closed her business, an online handicrafting shop, took out her sewing machine and began making masks. “I decided that rather than try to sell stuff to people who were desperately hurting,” she said, “I would try to give back.” She began transforming bolts of fabric from her shop into masks she would give to others free.

Sometimes she sews all day. Sometimes she is only able to squeeze in a few hours while also spending time with her 11-year-old daughter. But what is certain is that each time she turns over masks to their new owners — 758 masks and counting — she feels a sense of purpose that she hasn’t felt before. “This has definitely helped me cope,” she said of helping people. “It’s just the best feeling.”

During this pandemic, in a pattern that echoes other major crises, people across the world have stepped up to donate their time, skills, knowledge and resources, and have even risked their lives, for nothing material in return. But while men and women are equally likely to help, they tend to do it in different ways.

The evolutionary origins behind the human drive to cooperate and aid strangers is debated among academics, but what is certain is that our civilization depends on it. “Without it, the whole place would fall apart instantly,” said Robert Boyd, a professor in the School of Human Evolution and Social Change at Arizona State University.

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The desire to help others is so strong, in fact, that Japan has implored its population to think selfishly during tsunamis, because the window to escape is so short. The guidance, called tendenko, directs people to run to safety instead of rescuing others but runs so contrary to human nature that it has had limited success.

The reason for this selflessness, says Kathleen Tierney, a co-author of “Disasters, Collective Behavior, and Social Organization,” is that crises bring out an aching need in humans to be part of something bigger. “We feel this pressure to care more than we do on the day to day,” she said.

It is no surprise, she notes, that the current anti-racist protests are taking place during one of the largest health crises of our time. “Covid-19 really increased people’s feeling of civic-mindedness,” she said, “and of caring for the larger community.”

As for how women and men help in high-risk situations, Alice Eagly, emeritus professor of psychology at Northwestern University and a co-author of “The Psychology of Gender,” found that men partake in spontaneous and public acts of altruism like rescuing a drowning person or running into a burning building, while women tend toward more subtle acts that include nurturing and social interaction.

For example, Eagly found that during World War II, women were more likely to provide refuge to Jewish families. “It’s no less dangerous,” Eagly said, “but what distinguishes it is it engages a lot of one-on-one time with potential victims.”

To say that women are the more nurturing and caring of the sexes is a deep-seated stereotype, but Eagly said that makes it no less real. “Stereotypes do have the power to create the realities they call for,” she said, “but they are also based on observation, and what we see is women doing a lot of the caring in our everyday lives.”

Debra Mesch, a professor of philanthropic studies at Indiana University, concurs: Men help too, of course, but it is women who are more likely to satisfy the needs of communities in more informal ways.

In the Covid-19 era, that looks like making masks, grocery shopping for neighbors, tutoring on Zoom and checking in with lonely older neighbors. “These are not things you could write off as a charitable deduction,” Mesch said, “but this is really where women are stepping up.”

Women seem to be playing similar roles in the anti-racist protests currently playing out against the backdrop of the pandemic. One example: The many women who are initiating bail funds and GoFundMe campaigns to ensure that fellow Black Lives Matter activists are able to eat and make rent, said Keisha N. Blain, an associate professor of history at the University of Pittsburgh and author of “Set The World on Fire: Black Nationalist Women and the Global Struggle for Freedom.” “Women make sure people are taken care of, not just as an activist, but as a person,” she said. “Connecting the personal with the political — that is where women’s activism is unique.”

There are physiological benefits to helping as well.

“Disasters disrupt our sense of control and normalcy in the world,” said Lori Peek, director of the Natural Hazard Center at the University of Colorado Boulder, “so anything that can help us restore a sense of normalcy and purpose is so important for our emotional and psychological well-being.”

And beyond the positive emotions we get from giving, which economists refer to as warm glow, Femida Handy, professor of nonprofit studies at the University of Pennsylvania, found that when she and colleagues controlled for factors such as initial health, wealth and education, there was one big difference between people who volunteered and their less giving counterparts. “They live longer,” she said of the first group.

She explained that helping others improves mental and physical health, reduces inflammation and stress and lights up the same part of the brain as when we eat a lot of chocolate. “Who knew doing good benefits the person doing it?” she said.

In research they just completed, Handy and her co-author, Sara Konrath, found that giving seems to have such a profound impact on the body that people who do good are even rated as more attractive by strangers than their less-charitable peers. “People who do good actually look good,” she said.

Because there are so many benefits to helping, it can be detrimental when we can’t satisfy the urge. But women’s efforts in particular can be thwarted by having to take care of household demands first, like looking after children and older relatives.

That’s why Peek, who has studied disasters like Hurricane Katrina and the Sept. 11 attacks, says it’s essential in this environment to expand the definition of altruism. She referred to a colleague who stepped down from leading a working group because she was overwhelmed at home with her three children. The colleague, she said, was guilt-stricken and distraught about not contributing. “We carry all this burden and constantly feel like we aren’t doing enough,” Peek said. “But we need to reframe what it means to be helping our community right now, because whatever we are doing, every piece of it matters.”

She emphasized that in this fraught time, even our daily tasks — caring for our families, teaching our children and making them feel safe — are important contributions. “The invisible labor of holding a crying child at night — that doesn’t get seen, so that doesn’t get counted, but it’s so important,” she said. “Every little thing helps our community get up on its feet.”

What else is happening

Here are four articles from The Times you may have missed.

Foroozan was released early from Herat Women’s Prison in western Afghanistan because of the novel coronavirus.Kiana Hayeri for The New York Times
  • “Thanks to coronavirus, I am given a second chance to live.” Foroozan, convicted of murdering her spouse after years of abuse, was one of nearly 20 women held in an Afghan women’s prison. Now, in an effort to curb the spread of the virus, some prisoners — like Foroozan — have been released. [Read the story]
  • “We have been saying for over a year and a half that the settlement terms and conditions were unfair.” On Tuesday, a federal judge upended a $25 million proposed civil settlement involving Harvey Weinstein, his former film company and dozens of women who have accused Mr. Weinstein of sexual harassment and misconduct. The judge questioned the overall fairness of the proposed deal, which didn’t require Mr. Weinstein to admit wrongdoing or make any payments to his accusers, relying instead on insurance coverage. [Read the story]
  • “17.4 deaths per 100,000 live births.” That was the maternal mortality rate in the U.S. in 2018. New research suggests there are ways to prevent two-thirds of deaths during or within a year of pregnancy. [Read the story]
  • “I felt defenseless and weak.” The secretary to one of the most powerful political figures in South Korea, Mayor Park Won-soon of Seoul, described years of abuse and sexual harassment at his hands, days after the mayor killed himself. [Read the story]

In Conversation: Melinda Gates

Melinda Gates at The New York Times last year.Elizabeth D. Herman for The New York Times

The impact of the Covid-19 pandemic on women and girls is still playing out, not just from a health perspective but socially and economically as well. What practical steps should decision-makers take — from designing more inclusive economic policies and health systems to gathering better data — to help countries build back?

Please join us on Thursday, July 16, at 2 p.m. Eastern time, for a conversation between Melinda Gates, co-chair of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, and Francesca Donner, gender director at The New York Times.

The live chat is hosted by the Women’s Forum for the Economy & Society in collaboration with In Her Words as part of a series with female leaders from around the world, exploring how women are leading through crisis and laying the groundwork for a stronger world.

In Her Words is edited by Francesca Donner. Our art director is Catherine Gilmore-Barnes, and our photo editor is Sandra Stevenson.

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